Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Standards of behavior

Remember the story about the two classmates who went to work for the same corporation, where one hovered in middle management and the other rose to the top?
When the successful one became a V-P, his friend asked him what his secret had been, and the V-P repled, Whenever we sat in a meeting and heard a stupid idea expressed, we both recognized it for what it was -- and you would exclaim That's bullshit while I would exclaim That's fantastic.

There are lots of reasons at a meeting of a voluntary board for not saying That's bullshit, simple civility being at the top of the list. I served on one board where two very well-meaning directors -- both of whom loved the institution, both of whom served as president -- were constantly bickering and sniping at one another. The tension that was created drove several good people off the board, and made things unpleasant for the rest of us.

I asked a question of a top staff member at a recent meeting -- and his answer was part evasion, part lie. I chose not to confront him or pursue the issue further -- and I believe that I wasn't the only one who recognized the lie. At the same meeting, several comments were made that showed the speakers were in denial of reality. No one challenged their statements, no one said the emperor has no clothes. That included me -- the climate of denial seems so widespread that I thought my trying to provide a reality check would be seen as hostile provocation and would ultimately be counterproductive. So I put myself in the position, since I was unwilling to be part of the solution, of being part of the problem.

In a room full of volunteers, the spirit of Emily Post sits next to the spirit of Robert of the Rules of Order. And Emily guides us, too often, to silence, when we should be saying Bullshit.

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